Growing, Growing, Gone…

(A picture of what is quickly becoming the regular evening in my hotel room; microwave food, TV, and epsom salt to soak these tired muscles.)


DISCLAIMER: Forgive any typos or incoherent rambling....it's been a long day!

My mind feels like a shake and bake bag that is still being shaken; when will I finally get to cook?! 48 hours into my Boca Raton stay I have learned (almost) all of my parts for “Romeo and Juliet” and the fun has barely even begun. Three years into being a professional dancer it is strange coming down to a local studio and jumping into the routine with students all over again. Suddenly you are the person that students are looking up to which for me means I have to watch my regular potty mouth while in rehearsals. “Fuck” might fly around people my age but around thirteen year olds, not so much.

For the past two days Roman and I have endured grueling (more so for him than myself) 10-hour days constructed to help us learn the ballet. It is the first time in my career that I will have danced a principal part in a full-length ballet and I am a little wary of how my stamina will hold up. Fortunately, I get to die at the end of the second act in a death scene that stretches on as long as most pas de deux. Now that the steps are in my body I am trying to find a way to add characterization to the movement wherever possible. While I consider myself a playful person, I haven’t ever danced a part with Mercutio’s temperament before.

(The harlots try on their sassy fake hair pieces in the sunlight. Where are my extensions? I think it would really add to the zaniness of Mercutio, no?)

Whenever I agree to do a gig there is that fear of the unknown that seeps into your brain a few days before you journey to the destination. Will I be what they are expecting? Will they be what I am expecting? Am I up for the task? All of these things are normal and are obstacles that I try to turn into motivation to do my best possible. Fortunately I have a built in comfort having Sarah and Roman by my side.

While we all have our ways of dealing with stress I am actively trying to change my biggest one, whining. It seems that my brain thinks the more I complain about a task the easier it will seem in the end. My dad has pointed out how that’s not exactly the healthiest way to approach things but it has become my habit. As with many other things that are engrained in your character, this one is proving difficult to break.

(Andrea, my harlot and Roman and I's constant companion over the past few days, shows a little bit of that flirtation that will get me to kiss her endlessly on stage. Don't worry I have a constant supply of gum in hand. Nothing like a swashbuckling, sword fighting, mandolin playing, gum chopper!)

Rehearsals have been stretching on for hours and I am doing my best to interact with the students. It is refreshing having new faces around and part of our Three Musketeers (Romeo, Benvolio and Mercutio) is a student who makes the mixing more exciting. On top of that, we get to dance with a few of the local girls who are playing our Harlots. The hospitality of this studio has been overwhelming and I wish we had a little more time to be social, but I guess that isn’t really what this week is about.

While I was sitting in the wings today my harlot Andrea asked me if I found it hard to fall in love with a woman being a gay man. This was a topic that had come up between Daniel and I last week when we were discussing different people playing Romeo. I find the biggest deal breaker is whether or not there is actual chemistry. Just because I am gay doesn’t mean there can’t be chemistry including underlying sexual tension with a woman. However, if there is no chemistry it doesn’t really matter gay or straight. There are plenty of partnerships with heterosexual men where I don’t believe it for a moment. Gay men tend to push too hard to emote “heterosexual love” when they are partnering women. The thing to remember is that love is universal and it is about the connection and the intimacy of being with a person. Approaching my first on stage kiss I am stressing a little bit about making it believable but when the moment comes I am in the character and I know it will be fine. While portraying believable love on stage is difficult either way, I find that defining it as being a gay man trying to fall in love with a woman is too limiting; I just need to be present. With the constant repertoire of straight love that overwhelms our lives I look forward to seeing what Matthew Bourne can do with his “Romeo, Romeo” idea he said he is milling about. It often seems that portrayals of gay love on stage are either a novelty or too desperate to make a point. Whether or not he will be able to integrate it seamlessly into the story will be the true test.

(The evil temptation of a Florida sunset that tempted us as our 9th hour of rehearsal began.)

My body is increasingly hungry for my own bed. Every night sleep seems to get a bit tougher and waking up to barren walls and generic furniture all the more painful. The end is in sight and after our first tech tonight I am looking forward to the task at hand more than ever. Now if I can only figure out how to die a believable death, the love stuff will seem like nothing.

(Sarah sums up the zaniness as the tech rehearsal comes to a close.)

Comments

[jolene]

matt, i'm sure you're going to do well! i can sense your fatigue between the lines, but i hope you can remember to savor every moment - how exciting, wish i could be there to watch.

[Larry]

Now if I can only figure out how to die a believable death, the love stuff will seems like nothing.

Are you following the online diary of the new production of R+J at the other company across the plaza? Your counterpart Mercutio there, also a Daniel, speaks in an interview about "how hard it is to die. Tastefully, that is."

www.tragiclovenyc.com

[Jennifer]

i agree with you m...sexuality doesn't have much to do with on-stage chemistry. i, myself, find that i have better chemistry with gay men than straight men.

figures.

[Chi girl in Chi town....]

I saw 3 very believable ABT R&Js', Mercutios & Benvolio's. I won't get into who is gay or not since I think everyone already knows that info, but Angel & Xiomara, David & Paloma, and Herman & Xiomara all had incredible, believable chemistry on stage. The balcony pdd kisses among all 3 couples made my toes curl, which is pretty hard to do. I didn't feel the intimate chemistry btw Angel or Julie or David & Gillian for whatever reason. I say the onstage chemistry btw a couple is all that is important. I don't care about one's personal/private sexuality off stage (unless they are pedophiles, rapists etc.) b/c how on earth is that relevant to enjoying a great ballet.

As for dying a corny death, I think it is all in the facial expression. I saw Craig Salstein play it both incredibly well and over the top a few times. Jesus Pastor died pretty consistently twice without all the humor and it worked well for him. Benvolio didn't have that much romance to speak of but both Jared Matthews and esp. Sascha Radetsky were fun to watch.

I'm sure you'll be wonderful as Mercutio, Matt. At least I have faith in you after finally seeing you dance live in 6 performances.
I blogged extensively about the ABT R&J experience on my blog
so just click my name to view.

[tonya]

I agree with Jennifer, hehe :0 I think I would have a hard time kissing anyone onstage even if it was my boyfriend... I agree that it's definitely more about being in the moment than one's particular sexuality.

Can I just say, I definitely DON'T want to start any gossipy things, but regarding Chi's second sentence, I don't know any of that stuff! I just think it's funny that I consider myself such an ABT fan and all I know about anyone's real life is that Jose is married and Marcelo and Matt are gay (and only from the Advocate cover, and this blog respectively) -- compared to everyone else, I know crap, haha! Not that you need to know all about everyone's personal lives to be a fan of the company, but I just have to laugh at myself for having my head up my butt sometimes...

Anyway, back to relevant stuff -- I didn't know about Bourne's new project -- sounds fascinating and I am dying to see it!

[tonya]

see, i have my head up said butt so far, i can't even publish a comment correctly! sorry for the multiple post!

[tonya]

oh wait, regarding what I said on my blog, you CAN search your blog -- it's on the upper-left corner (it's on a different place in wordpress) -- never mind!!! sorry!